I don’t know if it’s the vitamin-D pill that I added to my supplement regimen, but lately I have been feeling pretty good. Nothing is happening, for better or worse, but I just feel pleasant.
That’s it.
Turning Anxiety Into Courage
I don’t know if it’s the vitamin-D pill that I added to my supplement regimen, but lately I have been feeling pretty good. Nothing is happening, for better or worse, but I just feel pleasant.
That’s it.
These were my intentions for February… This month went by so damn quick, I haven’t focused on them. They’ll carry over to March 😃
My intention for this month:
What does this look like for me?
Rest – A cute bedtime routine and morning routine… Letting go of “booked and busy” and “FOMO”… And, Yoga and meditation
Research – Items I want for my home as I redecorate… A potential business idea… Next steps in my life…
Restoration – Declutter my home… Take care or my mind, body, and soul
I ain’t gon’ do it!
Though Vine met its fate some years ago, you cannot deny its impact on the social media space. You also cannot deny how social media has taken over in general, almost becoming a necessity of life, such as food. And just like with food, some items enjoyed in abundance can be detrimental to our health. Physically and as with the case of too much social media, mentally as well.
Am I addicted to social media? Yes and no. I say no because I have a life offline. I work, hang out with friends, attend events, and travel. I haven’t succumbed to influencer culture. I haven’t tried to become a content creator. I do not wish to go viral. However, I say yes because I feel like I am always on there. It distracts me from getting personal things done. I’ve unsuccessfully tried to break from the big three (FB, Twitter, and IG) several times, only lasting a week or two before getting the withdrawal itch to come back. Lastly, it does negatively affect my mood sometimes.
What’s odd is, I do not even post much to be getting a “high” from “likes”, “retweets”, and “follow-backs”, I’m typically on there liking other peoples shit, reading status updates and tweet threads, lol’ing people to death, heart-eye emoji’ing people to death, laughing at memes, and looking at porn. Probably not too different from anyone else, but I feel like it has messed up my focus (i.e. not being able to read a damn book or a long article without shifting my attention) and sometimes I get F.O.M.O. because I see people out and about having fun, getting promotions, moving across country for new opportunities, and I’m just sitting there… scrolling. Literally going back and forth between the big three, like something drastic changed on one within the few minutes I was on the other.
Something else that makes me answer yes to the addiction question is that, in my quest to find fulfilling, passionate, hobbies, I’ve found myself thinking “ohh, if I do this, I’ll have something to post”… Like, WTF? I’ll be 42 this year, why I am worrying about having some shit to post on IG? You know what though… I think that stems from wanting to be “seen”. Like in the way I revere the people whose content I engage with, a part of me wants that as well. Even in my offline life, I have struggled with feeling “seen” or being acknowledged, typically from people who are not thinking about me otherwise, so why does engagement from them even matter? Another thing I need to unpack more…
So what am I going to do about this? Shit, i’on know… Naw, forreal, I am going to try to work on my disciple with the platforms I use. I should be able to read one chapter of a book without having to pause and pick up the phone to see what I’ve “missed” (most, if not all the time, not a damn thing). I do well with not being on socials while at the gym, so if I can take that same intentional focus there, and apply it to other areas, I’d be happy. Utilizing some of the built-in focus features of the apps, has not worked in the past (I’d often bypass the alert and keep scrolling), but I can give those a try again as well. With all that said, the bottom line is I want to control when and how I use these platforms, versus them controlling me. What ever I do, in terms of activities/actions, I want to do them for me, not for the Vine.
Another year of going through the motions…
Alive.. a little living…
Tired and restless…
No true direction…
Hiring nutritionists, life coaches, and therapists, still ending up making little to no changes…
Unsuccessful social media breaks…
More house debt…
A few fun trips through; Cleveland, Orlando, St. Louis, Montreal, and San Bernadino…
A little bit of a spark ignited these last couple of months though. I feel pretty good about 2023. I’m going to set some intentions for each month and work on curating a brighter life for myself. I’m ready to live.
Saw these posted on Instagram… They hit home…
I’ve definitely used “cool” as a way to describe myself. Just like the text in the images says, there’s really nothing “cool” about being that way.
Literally, just had a conversation with my therapist about how not being expressive, hiding emotions, not speaking up, and being “cool”, is derived from insecurity.
I will never use “cool” and “laidback” to describe myself again.
At first I was like, “is this a thing?” I did some googling and it turns out it is! I’ll be damned…
There were a few articles that came up describing it as being anxious about choosing the right career, or hopping from job to job as stay fresh and not fade away into a specific role, or being scared of learning new things as they may be too difficult and you don’t want to fail. I think my feelings are a tad different from these, but I do understand them.
I had been chatting with a few friends about not being fulfilled at work, so much so, that I was actually considering stepping down to a lower position (just in title and workload, pay would stay the same). I feel like I’ve become stagnant in my current role, only being the worker Bee, being the brains for others, and the role has not led to anything promising. I was thinking if I stepped down, I could regroup and try another route to change lanes. However, as one friend pointed out, I’d probably start feeling the same as I do now if I did step down.
I was feeling anxious about what to do next. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel like the job scene has moved light-years beyond my skillset. I was looking at my resume the other day thinking “this sounds whack”. I even Tweeted “I need my resume to go from “I mopped floors” to “Maintained and sanitized various flooring surfaces, with appropriate chemical solutions”… you know, give it a little razzle-dazzle. My software and computer skills are so specific to my current job, I don’t know much about what’s new in software applications outside of it. Plus, I have not interviewed for a job in years, what are those even like these days? To make it worse, I’ve even been letting my dad get in my head, smh.
However, the courage must be garnered to get something done, because I can’t take it much longer. I signed into LinkedIn for the first time in years (only to see that someone I trained and mentored is now doing extremely well, while I’m in the same spot), to set up some job searches. Did so on our industry website as well. I am now going claim, a pristine resume, advancement, fulfillment, more coins, and career happiness. Let’s go!